Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Post Mother's Day

 “God could not be everywhere, and so He gave us mothers.”

I didn't write anything about Mothers or Mother's day last week; I didn't want to bombard the airways with more MD paraphernalia. 
But on Sunday I was moved to tears.  Not because of presents or homemade cards or talks in church.  I was moved to tears by how many women hate Mother's Day.

I can understand those who don't like MD because of lack of family. Either they have had a hard time conceiving children,  haven't been able to start a family or aren't married; I have been one of these scenarios.
I have never hated Mother's Day; I admit I didn't like sacrament meeting on MD because of the nudge and "Stand up! You're a mother too" when I wasn't and I was very sensitive about the fact.

Many women said they hate MD for these reasons also: they feel they have to be perfect for the day; they are not worthy of any praise because they are a failure as a mother; all talks and poems are about perfect mothers.
My husband takes me out of trying to be perfect for everyone on MD; I get to stay in bed all day if I want.  DH makes breakfast, lunch and dinner-and cleans up! The children are instructed to not wake me during my fourth nap of the day.  I get awesome homemade cards and lots of kisses and attention.  I LOVE IT! I tried to talk my family into doing this every Sunday-it was a no-go.

But my heart broke mostly for those women who don't fit in the above scenarios.  I wondered how they are treated on MD. I guess I don't really want to know.

Someone over the weekend tried to blame the holiday on a man but it was a woman who started the day. We can not shift the blame to anyone for how we feel on MD.  Many of the MD-haters also talked about how they tried to think of other women besides themselves and serve others on MD. 

Here are some excerpts from Elder Ballard's talk in April 08.  I post them for those of us who need a reminder we see human-ness and our Heavenly Father sees our spiritual-ness.  
Love to all my sisters and friends.

"Recognize that the joy of motherhood comes in moments. There will be hard times and frustrating times. But amid the challenges, there are shining moments of joy and satisfaction.

Author Anna Quindlen reminds us not to rush past the fleeting moments. She said: “The biggest mistake I made [as a parent] is the one that most of us make. … I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of [my three children] sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages six, four, and one. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less” (Loud and Clear [2004], 10–11).

Even as you try to cut out the extra commitments, sisters, find some time for yourself to cultivate your gifts and interests. Pick one or two things that you would like to learn or do that will enrich your life, and make time for them. Water cannot be drawn from an empty well, and if you are not setting aside a little time for what replenishes you, you will have less and less to give to others, even to your children. Avoid any kind of substance abuse, mistakenly thinking that it will help you accomplish more. And don’t allow yourself to be caught up in the time-wasting, mind-numbing things like television soap operas or surfing the Internet. Turn to the Lord in faith, and you will know what to do and how to do it.

I hope all of you dear sisters, married or single, never wonder if you have worth in the sight of the Lord and to the leaders of the Church. We love you. We respect you and appreciate your influence in preserving the family and assisting with the growth and the spiritual vitality of the Church. Let us remember that “the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children” (“The Family: A Proclamation to the World”). The scriptures and the teachings of the prophets and apostles help all family members to prepare together now to be together through all eternity. I pray that God will continually bless the women of the Church to find joy and happiness in their sacred roles as daughters of God."

4 comments:

Sherry said...

We came by to bring you some yummy chocolate covered strawberries on Mother's Day but you weren't home. They were really good :D

Shauna said...

I am a MD hater...this year was the best as it was all about The Boy's ordination. My hubz doesn't get it like Garth does. Can Garth teach a stake-wide EQ enrichment on this topic?! I still feel that MD is just one more day to do what I do everyday. Oh, but I get a schoolmade card and a gift. This year is was new leather gloves for trek. Which I told him to get. And where to get them.

I love what I do everyday becasue this is what I have chosen. When the world seems to stop to recognize that work, it is a nice gesture, but it feels disengenuous to me. I would rather have kids who do their chores without being reminded three times. Or a husband who thinks ahead for a moment--not about golf--and comes up with a plan that doesn't involve me cleaning it up afterwards.

Sorry if I lead the MD-Hater's Club as the poster girl, but I would almost rather abstain from society on MD and get on with things like always. Lowering the expectations and the associated feelings helps a lot. I do try to focus on other mothers--my own, his, friends who do this in the trenches with me day in and day out--or plan children's life events on that day and breeze right over it. That made it MUCH better.

Shauna said...

Maybe my previous comment was too harsh. Sorry. Things always feel better after a week and a lot of diet coke.

Taffy said...

It's all good, darling!